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"Oh jesus put it out, its going to burn me, Goddess Janelle please, put it out!" I whimpered.She did not answer, but I was sure She was watching, gauging the best time to act. I was not sure what She would do--She was getting into the whole scene a lot more than I had thought She would. It was like She existed only to cause me that twisted amalgam of torment and ecstasy.I felt a hand between my asscheeks, cool and steady, and a sudden gust of breath as Goddess Janelle blew out the candle and. Then there was Ellen's funeral.We gathered as an extended group, but there was laughter only at her memory, happiness only in our memories of her. She'd been taken from us by an uninsured drunk with seven DUI convictions and not a hint of a license.There was no justice, not for her; the driver served a year, and was released, only to harm others later.My impotent anger could have consumed me, might have consumed, pardon my immodesty, a lesser man. I had two children, though, and they needed me,. I chose the latter option.My first choice was what racial features I desired. The options were Asian, European, Indian, Latino and Negro. There were sub categories under these titles. This was happening way to fast for me but I wasn't going to complain. I decided to concentrate on the choices and to take my time.I chose European. The next option was hair; blonde, black, auburn redhead, brunette. I chose black. Over the next few minutes I selected hair style, bust size and shape. This gave me. Sometimes I get homesick for the town of Winter Haven and the people in it. Spending the holiday season in my home town has refreshed those doubts. Sometimes I think that I wanted to try my fortunes elsewhere just because I wanted a new adventure. Now, I have to decide whether I want to continue with my job or quit so I could find a job closer to home. I know any job I could get here would pay considerably less than I make now, but I would be a lot closer to my mom and my brother.While I ponder.
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