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Caitlyn said, "Emily doesn't seem to be enjoyingher clothes or any of the activities we have for her. Maybe a diaper wouldlighten up her mood." No..please...not..that.." I replied. I tried my best at pretending to behappy and joyful like a little girl supposed to be, but it was difficult.With all the little girl games and playing with dolls, this would havebored anyone older than what I was dressed as.This went on for another half an hour before Amanda and Caitlyn got it andsuggested that I. "It is as if I am addicted to what pain does for me." She paused and then said with a dreamy smile. "It makes me wet. It makes me happy. It makes me feel alive." Then her face lost all expression and her voice went totally flat as she continued, "But like any other drug, there are side effects. I build up a tolerance or something. It takes more and more pain to take me to the point of pain-pleasure. And once the built up tolerance gets to a certain point, I start losing the ability to. You arenot a girl. How do you have breasts??" Ridhi gave me a look that I havecarried with me till date. It was a look of hurt like I have never seenbefore. I didn't care. I wanted to know what was going on. "I realizedthat while my face was beautiful, my body didn't have the curves to makethe clothes I was wearing all the time. I also was having trouble withexplaining that to my friends at dance school. Around six months back, Iwent online and bought estrogen tablets that were available for. The apartment was left in a disarray, with discarded clothes and small items of furniture all over. In the bedroom there was an old box spring and mattress along with small piles of discarded clothes. James kicked some around till he found a bra and pair of girl panties, he picked them up tossed them to me saying '... this your custom for the night, now get in it...' I looked at James and protested '...this stuff is nasty, I'm not gonna wear it...' James smirked as he heard the front door.
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