We both draw theline at great kissing, cuddling and sucking. Thisyear, he asked if I would like to try something new.I asked what I had to do and he said that I shouldjust lie there. We were both on our sides sucking each other’s cockswhen I felt something cold and wet on my rosebud. Iwent to protest but he said relax, I won’t try to putmy cock in you. Soon I felt his finger rubbing slowlyaround my rosebud. It felt great. He continued to ruband then the first knuckle of his finger. ”I do not fear him; he is very slow and I am quick, he can do me no hurt. But I do not say this. Instead I ask if he will talk. For a time neither of us speaks, but I wait for him.“No,” he says in time. “It is shadow. Shadow is heavy in me sometimes. It is done now, for this time.”I tell him I live in shadow too, for Kitik is shadow now and yet I cannot leave him. And I tell the Lone One how our parting comes to be.In a way the telling is good. It is the first time I am able to say my tale to. He instructed me to stand a few feet in front of the wall, as he snapped a few pictures of my face. Why the hell is he doing that, I wondered. It was the last thought that passed through my mind before someone placed a mask over my mouth and nose from behind. My lungs were quickly filled with ether fumes, and I was out like a light.When I came to, I was lying on a foldaway cot in the same room. I drifted in and out of the fog of fading anesthesia for a spell, before becoming fully alert. No. What an odd way to live a life, Marcia thought. She wondered if otherpeople didn't also live at least some part of their lives in a similarfashion, with or without realizing it. Perhaps the difference was that, inretrospect, they took more credit (or blame)--rightly or wrongly--fortheir actions, reluctant to admit just how out-of-control they'd actuallybeen when making some of the most important decisions of their lives.If anything, Marcia was far more inclined to take responsibility for.
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