The tension of always being watchful, of having no one watching my back, was dragging me down. I didn't understand the violence. There were so few of us left. I finally wept myself dry.I got up and took a quick shower and felt better. The water washed away some of my sorrow. I took a Coke from the fridge and my keys and went outside and sat down. I needed to think. I could live in the RV for a long time and just travel aimlessly or I could continue my trek to my house in Virginia. There was. Plus, I feel like a male human being and I are connecting in a differently erotic and exciting way than if we were both connecting with a female human being. Just as a woman and I can kiss passionately, feel our knees get weak and fall back on the bed and have very hot sex, I get the same feeling when I do it with a man. I am that way to this day. I much prefer men who are not afraid to be intimate and passionate and let down the male barriers that usually prevent romance, intimacy and passion.. Later that night I tried to recreate that feeling, but just fell asleep with so many questions. The next day all my questions were answered when I was visited by a facility doctor who explained what had happened and what would happen to me in the years to come. From that day on I was taken to the lab building once a month to monitor my hormone levels and to be checked for fertility. This meant I was layed on a table and asked to masturbate to fruition, at which point the doctor would inspect. And so now we’ve definitely moved forward and have many great memories to cherish. We take time together when we can, which is usually at lunch. Other than some rare outside-of-work encounters, our lunches are when we’ve been able to spend the most time together. Since our time is limited, no minute is wasted. As soon as we clear the parking lot, I’m touching him. Whether my hand is on his leg (usually) or stroking his arm, that hour away is when I satisfy my need to be close to him. If he can.
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