Never mind if she flinched, or moved, or gave the impression she was waiting for a caress. She rested on her forearms while I looped the webbing under the bed, using the ratchet to pull it tight, looping the rope around the strap so that I could use it to tie her in place via the cuffs. She understood the arrangements, kneeling on the bed, resting on her forearms, knees together. I adjusted the pillow so that it wasn't jammed under her face, but so that she could scream into it, as planned.I. Even though they were happy to help, borrowing from her in-laws to keep everything running smoothly so Jenny would never notice a hiccup still bothered her. The inheritance she'd received from her own parent's passing was still locked away in an account she swore she wouldn't touch, meant to make sure Jenny would want for nothing when she went away to college. That day was approaching soon, she knew. The house would be empty, and Mary would be all alone. Truly alone.The front door flew open to. ."I smiled at her and gave her hand a squeeze, and she smiled back, and we turned to our dinners again.She took a bite of the spinach salad, and looked to approve of the flavor. She watched me put some teriyaki sauce on my eel before taking a bite, and then she put a bit on hers. She was eating with a fork (I, of course, was using chopsticks), and it was funny to see her try and cut the sushi in two with her fork."You really ought to learn how to use chopsticks," I told her, as kindly as I. Sorry for Phil, too, sorry for all the things that might have been ... but mainly sorry for me. Not what all those helpful books on managing the grieving process would recommend, I'm sure, but that was what I did. Frankly, I wallowed. At least for a while.Then I pulled myself together a bit – I could imagine how a lot of my friends and colleagues would react to seeing me this way and the thought at least sufficed to get me up on my feet. Once vertical, however, I still couldn't really get.
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